var quotes=new Array()





//change the quotes if desired. Add/ delete additional quotes as desired.




quotes[0]='events represented have been altered from the original: they have been interpreted by a madwoman, edited accordingly, and formatted to fit your screen'




quotes[1]='O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.'




quotes[2]='puny humans, i will now suck out your brains with bendy crazy straws, so i may watch the little bits loop-de-loop around'




quotes[3]='I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they\'ve always worked for me. - Hunter S. Thompson'




quotes[4]='Reality is the leading cause of stress'


quotes[5]='The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armor to lead all his customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who by peddling second-hand, second-rate technology, led them all into it in the first place.  - Douglas Adams'




quotes[6]='Support bacteria.  They\'re the only culture some people have'




quotes[7]='Once you accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. - Albert Einstein'




quotes[8]='The fact that no one understands you doesn\'t make you an artist - Unknown'




quotes[9]='I don\'t intend for this to take on a political tone.  I\'m just here for the drugs.  - Nancy Reagan'




quotes[10]='Raiding an Englishman\'s fridge is like dating a nun; You\'re never gonna get the good stuff'



quotes[11]='A woman with a big fat ass should dump him'



quotes[12]='all right, brain, i don\'t like you and you don\'t like me - so let\'s just do this and i\'ll get back to killing you with beer. - homer simpson'



quotes[13]='once in the wilds of afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew and had to live on food and water for a number of weeks. - w. c. fields'



quotes[14]='Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you\'re an idiot!'




quotes[15]='it\'s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning. - calvin'




quotes[16]='They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety - Ben Franklin'




quotes[17]='all right, brain, i don\'t like you and you don\'t like me - so let\'s just do this and i\'ll get back to killing you with beer. - homer simpson'




quotes[18]='My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping - Rita Rudner'




quotes[19]='When on the ladder of success, don\'t let the boys look up your dress!'




quotes[20]='i regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. -- j. edgar hoover'




quotes[21]='Caution!  Driver just doesn\'t give a shit anymore'




quotes[22]='Why should we trust the government with automatic weapons?'




quotes[23]='so, you hate your life and your job? there\'s a support group for that. it\'s called everyone and they meet down at the bar... - drew carey'




quotes[24]='whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.'




quotes[25]='i\'m not 40-something. i\'m $39.95, plus shipping and handling.'




quotes[26]='in the 60\'s people took acid to make the world weird. now the world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal.'




quotes[27]='All my life, I always wanted to be somebody.  Now I see that I should have been more specific - Lily Tomlin'

quotes[28]='If you play a Windows XP installation CDROM backwards, you hear a message from Satan. Even worse... if you play it forwards, it installs Windows XP'

quotes[29]='I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of.  My own mind is my own church - Thomas Paine'

quotes[30]='I do not find in orthodox Christianity one redeeming feature - Thomas Jefferson'

quotes[31]='The Bible is not my book, and Christianity is not my religion.  I could never give assent to the long, complicated statements of Christian dogma - Abraham Lincoln'

quotes[32]='The United States is in no sense founded upon the Christian doctrine - George Washington'

quotes[33]='It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no god.  It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg - Thomas Jefferson'

quotes[34]='Never attribute to malice, that which can be explained by abject stupidity - Mikki Barry'

quotes[35]='Ahhhh...I see the Screw-Up Fairy has visited us again'

quotes[36]='I will try being nicer if you try being smarter'

quotes[37]='If only closed mind also meant closed mouth'

quotes[38]='There are no stupid questions, but there are lots of inquisitive idiots'

quotes[39]='We know you have a choice in airlines, and it looks like you made the wrong one.'

quotes[40]='It is poor civic hygiene to install technologies that could someday facilitate a police state - Bruce Schneir'

quotes[41]='It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong - Voltaire'

quotes[42]='Why follow me to higher ground? Lost as you swear I am - Collective Soul'

quotes[43]='Research is what I\'m doing when I don\'t know what I\'m doing - Werner von Braun'

quotes[44]='Don\'t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you\'ll have to ram them down people\'s throats - Howard Aiken, IBM engineer'

quotes[45]='It is our opponents, not us, who insist on narrow, sectarian creeds and exclude those who, in good conscience, cannot subscribe to them. - Mike Seidman, Law Professor'



 var whichquote=Math.floor(Math.random()*(quotes.length))
 document.write(quotes[whichquote])